“This is just unbearable pain.”

Mohammad Reduan bin Mustaffar was sentenced to death for drug trafficking in 2019. His appeal was dismissed in 2020. Three of his children have written pleas for clemency to President Halimah Yacob. We have published excerpts of their letters on social media, and reproduce the letters in full here. To protect the privacy of the children, we have removed names.

Reduan’s two youngest children also sent drawings to President Halimah Yacob. We were unable to publish these drawings as they contained names and identifiers.

Dear Madam Halimah Yacob

I am 15 years old this year. I’m writing to you this letter since I need my father back to my life so much.

Every time I go out in public I feel jealous because people enjoy spending quality time with their father. I only get to see my father only when it’s my turn to visit him. Every time I visit him we will laugh together about silly jokes. And there was one part where I felt so much hurts when he tell my mother about his problem. I have been waiting for 5 years for my father to come out from prison. Every single day without fail I would pray to Allah, please let my father come out from the prison, give him good health and I always pray to Allah please let me see my father getting old and please let me have a chance to look after him.

Whenever I go pray at the mosque I will pray for the same thing over and over again. I really hope Allah will unite us again as one big family. And I know Allah can hear me.

My father will always ask how was school. Did anyone bully me? He will ask us a lot of things he makes sure he have update about all of us. Now because Covid I only get to visit him 5 weeks once only due to the restriction and I have to take turn with my other siblings. He will always remind me to be a good son and brother to my siblings and mother. I miss my father so much. I pray that my father come out faster. I missed the old times where we watch movie together, football games together, play games together and we go out weekly together whole family. Now my mother have to work so hard just to feed me and my siblings.

I always caught my mother crying at night when all of us sleeping. She thought I was sleeping too but actually I’m still awake. My siblings would always ask my mother when is daddy coming back home? My mother don’t know how to answer to their question. She would just smile and tell us to keep on praying for our father.

Sometimes I would cry because I miss my father so much. I wish our family would be happy again. Like how it used to be. Now everything have change. My mother have to work every day and get to spend less time with us. I feel sad because I don’t have my father beside me every day like other people. I miss going out together with my father and my family.

I want him to be here with us because I want him to see how much I have improve in my studies. I feel sad because some of my friends get to spend time with their father. I love my father so much and I cherish every moment we have together. He is the best dad in this world, legit his the best. He is so nice to me and my siblings. My father is a good guy. My father is a kind-hearted guy, he is always so cool. My father never even once scold us no matter how naughty we are, he is the most calm I ever met. Please have mercy on my father. Can you give him a second chance ot amend everything wrong he have done.

I hope this letter that i write to you goes inside your heart and you try to imagine your father is at the same position that my father is at right now. Won’t you want your father to go out of jail so that you can spend quality time with him? Please forgive him for all the mistakes he have done. Give him a chance so he can prove that he was a change person and he totally regret for all the mistake and damage he have done. We really our father with us. Please don’t torture us like this. This is just unbearable pain. Everyone deserve a second chance. Nobody is perfect. Everyone will learn something from the mistake they have done. We need him to see all of our achievement. We need him to cheer for us here. We just need him in our daily life here. We need his support, his hug, his kiss and etc. we want to live just like all of our friends. We need both our parents by our side. We need him to be our bff whom we can share everything without any secret. Please put yourself on our shoe and try to understand the difficulty we all facing emotionally. Its really exhausted. Please help all of us. Please help our father. Hope to hear good news soon. Thank you for reading our letters. I still believe all of them deserve second chance. They deserve it.

Dear Madam Halimah Yacob

My age is 11 years old. The reason I’m writing this letter to you is because I am giving you my feelings with him and without him. So I hope you will understand why we all need our father with us.

My father is the only father I could have and if we don’t have our father with us, it’s going to be difficult for our family. My mum is going to handle 5 of us while working non stop while we must go to school stressing over our exams.

We, his family, have been waiting for him for 5 years. Waiting for him to come home and touch him with the feeling of the whole family together.

Every birthday of our family, he will be the one who is the first one to wish us and never forget about us. Not forgetting the other part, we always prayed and doa to Allah to forgive his sins and let him free. Ever since I was young, I kept thinking, “Why is Daddy not with us for our birthday?” I even kept on questioning myself but now I’ve been growing older, I understand.

Whenever I make a promise to someone, I really mean it. So right now, I’m making a promise to you that my father is a guy that is kind-hearted inside but of course I could say that my father is “someone bad” based on his appearance and based on what he had done in the past. I’ll make this promise that my father would never do that anymore because my family and I, all knows that he loves us and would never want to do the same thing because nobody knows that this could happened. I will never regret making this promise to you.

Whenever we visit him, the first question he will ask us is “How are you?” and “Have you eaten?” Having a father who is caring about you even when you’re not with him is the best. Now I would want you to imagine if you have a father who you love the most, but he is not with you. How would you feel? I am not trying to offend you or anything, but you must understand. Our future and studies are important, but we would do anything to have our father back.

He shows a good example of dad duty. Sometimes or mostly, me and my siblings will cry after visiting but after hearing he lost the case, me and my brothers started crying so badly and we did not expect it to become so serious and so painful because I thought what we heard was all mistaken and wrong. But now I’m putting my time to help him and explaining why. I could even be on my knees to have him back. I’m really begging you to help us and understand us, our feelings and situations. 

This matter could affect our study and exams because we have been thinking what to write to you. We might not have higher chance to have him, but you can be our luck to help us. Writing this to you is harder than what you could imagine. This isn’t the time to joke around for us so let’s take this seriously. We all want to pass our exams with flying colours to make our parents proud of us as our exams are coming up soon and we have made a promise to our daddy that we will pass our exams with flying colours but this is affecting us. I’m turning 12 next year and 2021 is ending. So if you can’t accept these reasons, next year, I’ll be suffering because it will affect me nobody wants to go through this. Trust me.

Now try to think that you are in my shoe, seeing everyone with their dads? How hurt that is. I know we can have a chance to get our father out because he is still breathing. When it comes to this matter, I’ll never give up till I have my father back. What’s life without a father with us? Words can’t express that much but feelings do.

Our life is like a guessing game, we never know what going to happen next. Every time we only received bad news and negative. If you can understand our pain then you will understand how me and my family going through without our daddy by our side cheering for us and always be there whenever we need him.

Every time we graduate, it will be our mother who is always attending. Every time we have the best score, it will always be our mother who sign the paper and sees it. You know, not only we muts rely on our mother about it, we need our father too. We want him to do those for the first time. It’s always “Mummy look at my result I got no 1 in class for English,” but never Daddy.

Another thing why our own father can’t be in our life? Everyone deserves a second chance. It was his first time doing that offence, so he deserves a second chance for that. There will always be a second chance for human beings and my father is a human with feelings. Why not give him a second chance? Allah have told us to always forgive people for their wrong doings and we will follow the path that Allah will guide us to. 

When he is with us again and if you think that he is going to do something bad again, think about it again. Why spend our time writing if he is going to make trouble again? We would rather spend more time together as a full family, that’s a great feeling to be honest.

Okay you people can say that we can survive without a father and all of that but this kind of jokes and words are not really funny at all. So then before thinking or saying anything like that, you must try it out first. It’s simple for you to say that. I have been crying for so many years wanting to have my father back in my arms. Can’t you all give him a second chance? Please give me my father back to me. We really need him with us. We need a father with us every single day. Please try to understand us. Understand how we feel. My daddy is not a bad person. My daddy is a really nice person. The feeling you cannot touch or kiss your father is just unbearable. My daddy is my everything. I just love him so much. I miss everything about my daddy. Please give him a chance and please forgive him. I promise you he will never ever do the same mistake again. Please let my daddy come back home. Please have a heart and let my daddy go. You can punish him but please don’t take him away from us Madam President. I hope you can make our dream come true. Me and my four other siblings waiting for him to come back home. We need a proper family. We miss our daddy so much. I hope you can help him out.

Dear Mdm Halimah Yacob,

My age is nine years old. The reason why I’m writing this letter to you is because of our father, when I first get to know that my father is behind the cell I was very sad. When I was young I always think where is my father and will I not see him when I grow up? I understand why is it that he went to jail. When I first hear that I started crying badly and is been five years he been inside the jail. You try to be in my position right now and would you feel the way I feel without my father around me? I’m not trying to be mean is just that it is sad for all us. We all know that in life every human being deserve a second chance. He also have feelings not only us. Our father always pray for our health and everything good for us all. And every time when we visit him he will always teach us how to recite al fateha correctly, he teach us a lot of things about Islam and he always remind us to pray 5 times a day no matter what happen we must pray we cannot miss our prayers. We also pray for him and when we hear he lost his case we was very sad about it even all my family sad. Allah swt say that in this whole world everyone deserve a second chance that means my father need a second chance I know my father have done a bad things but after that incident my father learn a lesson not to join gang or whatever is wrong. He have regret it and promise us that he will not do it not only he promise us but he also promise to Allah swt that he will not do bad thing again. But if he do it again then we can’t believe him even though he is our father because a promise is a promise and promise must be kept. Because he promise to Allah and have faith in Allah. So if he break his promise that is not a faith towards Allah anymore because he have break promise to Allah and us. But now he still keep his promise to us and Allah swt. He did not break the promise at all but if I figure out that he break the promise or lose his faith in Allah swt I will not even be here writing this letter about him to you. I’m also keeping this promise to my father and Allah swt and faith towards Allah swt is to do every thing for my father in this world and I will not break the faith and promise for anything not even if it can change my life forever and I will promise to doa to Allah to save my father from any danger or someone trying to peer pressure him to do something bad that are dosa to our religion which is Islam, like doing drug we know that he got sentence because of drug and drug have make a lot of bad thing but I can’t blame drug is just that they chose the wrong path but soon they will learn their lesson when they wash their hand but is not easy for them to wash their hand is only easy if they stop doing bad thing just like that they can easily know is not that hard and the reason why I need Daddy is because we are always getting bullied because of that we hate about it our dad is important to us, because we all love our family because family is everything to us. One thing we are missing is our father, our father is everything to me, my siblings and family. We also know the pain of them, I mean my father friend inside and also their mother and father feeling. We also can’t feel our father hand, his face for five years and we can’t kiss each other. It’s been five years long not touching him. We only get to see him only and we need to take turn seeing him because I have a lot of siblings. We always visit him. I always so happy when it is my turn to visit him because I love to see my father. Please give my father back to me and my family. We need him. I really miss my father so much. I want to hug my father I want to kiss my father. I want to touch his face. We all want to sleep with him. I want to play soccer and games with my father. Please let my father go back home please please please. Can you please forgive my father and give him second chance? Can you give all his friend chance also all of them deserve second chance also same like my father. I really love my father so much. My father is my hero, my father is not a bad person. I promise you he won’t make the same mistake again if he do it again you can take him back. Give me back my father. Give him back to us all. I believe you are a good person who have a heart. Please return our father back to us Madam. We want him back. I have many things to do with my father. I want him to be my partner in game at my Roblox game and also pay game with me at Playstation. Forgive my father ok. And that’s the end of my letter. Thank you.

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