The following are letters, poems, and reflections written by Datchina, Kalwant, Nagaenthran, Pannir and Syed on their experiences being on death row, and their messages to loved ones.
Letters from Datchina
What allows me to be alive today? Is it the words from the judge, the law, my family, me or God? If man has power under the law to exercise mercy, then who is deserving of it? I don’t see anyone from death row that has received a presidential pardon, why? What do the death row inmates need to earn to be alive, to live their lives? If there is no law, there’s no punishment, then crimes will increase. Everyone knows this! But is the law there, only to punish the offenders to deter the crime? Has the same law not been practised to rehabilitate and reform the offenders, to not reoffend again, so that it also can deter the crimes? I am a first-time offender, what is the proof in the law to say that I will not reform or change? Why are the drug offenders on death row not given the chance to reform, especially first-time offenders? Why are we not in the list or category for rehabilitation?
The difference between non-capital cases and capital cases in drug offences is only the amount of the drugs (in grams), but the overall action and intention were the same, which is to deliver or smuggle drugs for a certain amount of rewards. If the non-capital case, involving a drug offender, is in the category for rehabilitation, why is it not applied to the capital case, involving drug offenders? When their intentions and actions are the same!
In the case of Nagendran, he was caught with 1 pound of heroin, which is about 45 grams and after analysis, it is 42.72 grams of diamorphine. In my case it was 5 pounds of heroin, which is about 2.2kg, and after analysis, it is 44.96 grams of diamorphine. The gross weight of drugs in my case is 4 times higher than Nagendran’s case but the amount of diamorphine in both our cases was not much different. Whether me and Nagendran have a knowledge of drugs is a subjective matter. But the objective matter is, though we knew the gross weight (roughly) of the drugs, we do not know the total amount of diamorphine in the drugs. It can only be known after the drugs were sent to HSA for the analysis. Me and Nagendran are not experts to know the total amount of diamorphine beforehand.
Nagendran and I were sentenced to death for the amount of diamorphine found in the drugs and not the gross weight of the drugs. There is another case, one of my friends in remand was arrested in 2011. 5 pounds of heroin, which is 2.2 or 2.3kg, and after it was analysed it was only 15 grams of diamorphine. The AGC gave him an unconditional offer for 14.99 grams and he was sentenced to 20 years imprisonment. He also did not have knowledge of diamorphine before it was sent to HAS for analysis. And his intention and action was also similar to me and Negandran, which was to smuggle drugs for a certain amount of rewards. All of us are first-time offenders, and our urine was tested negative for heroin. If the drugs that I and Nagendran brought to Singapore can bring harm or damage to people’s lives, then the same goes to the drugs brought by my other friend. But what makes him deserve 20 years imprisonment, and what makes me and Nagendran not deserve the same unconditional offer of 14.99 grams and 20 years of imprisonment? Can we say that this is fair and just under the constitution?
It is in the criminal law, under the Misuse of Drugs Act, to impose the death penalty for over 15 grams of diamorphine. But why are Nagendran and I punished for the amount of diamorphine that exceeds 15 grams, which we had no knowledge of at all? It is the burden of the DPP (Deputy Public Prosecutors) to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the accused person should have knowledge of the nature of the drugs. Should the DPP not also bear the burden to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the accused person has knowledge of the amount of diamorphine by the time he handled the drugs? Whenever the accused person was sentenced according to the amount of diamorphine and not the gross weight of the drugs, is it enough for the DPP to prove beyond a reasonable doubt about the knowledge of drugs and not the knowledge of the amount of diamorphine in the drugs too?
In non-capital cases, though the accused persons have knowledge of the drugs, they will still get a lesser sentence because the amount of diamorphine was below 15 grams. However, in capital cases, it’s not only the knowledge of the drugs but also the amount of diamorphine that lands them a death penalty for the purposes of trafficking. So, whether non-capital or capital, the intentions and actions are the same, but it is the amount of diamorphine that is unknown to the accused that carries the death penalty. To kill people for over 15 grams of diamorphine does not make sense at all, especially when the accused person does not really have that knowledge. Drug addicts do not consume pure diamorphine to overdose from consuming 15 grams of diamorphine. They consume heroin, which has other substances in it with a very small amount of diamorphine.
To me, none of the drug case offenders have an intention to kill, harm or destroy anyone’s lives. So please do not kill or take their lives to justify saying that they cause or bring harm to the people and society. Please do not justify it with an intention that was never theirs. Clearly, their intention is only to consume, sell, or deliver the drugs and nothing more than that. The majority of Singaporean drug offenders, they themselves consumed heroin and they themselves are the victims. However, many of the Malaysian drug couriers have not consumed drugs, especially heroin. This shows that they don’t have drug knowledge and they don’t even know the effect or impact of consuming heroin. They are actually also victims of circumstance. They are the scapegoats and all of them deserve a second chance.
In murder cases, it is not mainly their actions, like how many times they stabbed the victim for it to be considered murder – but also whether they have the intention to kill. And that is why in many murder cases, the capital charge has dropped, though they had murdered or killed someone cruelly. However, in drug cases, it is the knowledge of the drugs, the amount of drugs, and the actions that are mainly considered to punish them. When the drug offenders have no intention to kill, harm, or destroy the lives of others, the amount and the knowledge of drugs and the actions taken have no connection in justifying the death penalty.
Letter 2 – 4 May 2022
ROLE OF “THE MORE THAN A MERE COURIER”
It is the finding of the trial judge that my involvement in the offence has exceeded that of a mere courier. However, he finds that Christeen’s involvement in the offence was restricted to transporting and delivering the drugs, therefore she fell within the courier exception in 33B (2) (a) of the MDA.
The findings of the trial judge on Christeen’s role as a mere courier is totally wrong, whenever there is evidence that shows Christeen’s involvement in the offence had not been restricted to only transporting and delivering the drugs but more than that.
The phone records from my Nokia mobile phone – Exhibit marked “DATHP-1”
Agreed bundle: page 240
S/N: (90) / +65 84065870 – “Can I give 1 to my side?” – 8/1/2011 – 5.04pm
The above incoming message was sent to my handphone by Christeen, and I had explained about this message to the IO in my statement.
My long statement:
Para 58 (line 1-3) – “I wish to say that regarding the SMS sent by Jaya (Christeen) that reads “Can I give 1 to my side?”, Jaya was asking me if she could give one packet of the brown substance to her own people.”
The above statements show that Christeen has her own customers to buy drugs, and it is the evidence from Christeen’s statement that I had asked her to find more customers to buy drugs.
Christeen’s long statement:
Para 1a (line 15 – 16) – “If I help him get more customers to buy Jaman from him, he will give me more than what I am getting.”
At the trial Christeen had denied having said this in her statement. Though I also had denied in my statement to ask her to find more customers to buy drugs, this was not put to me in the trial by DPP, counsels, or the Judge. And the trial judge never accepted both of our claims on this issue.
GD Para 66 (line 11- 14)
“The reference to finding or getting customers appeared thrice in her statement. Accordingly, I was satisfied that Datchinamurthy did ask Christeen to find more customers to buy drugs, and promised her higher payment if she could do so. (this is the main basis for the trial judge’s finding on my role to have exceeded that of a mere courier.”
If the trial judge was satisfied that I had asked Christeen to find more customers and promised her higher payment if she could do so, this directly indicates that Christeen has had her own customers buy drugs and she was rewarded higher payment for doing so.
The incoming message from Christeen “can I give 1 to my side” corroborated this fact, that she has her own customers to buy drugs. But I and Christeen were not cross-examined on this evidence by the DPP, counsels, or the Judge in the trial. If this is the case, then clearly Christeen will not fall within the role of a courier. And if she is, then so should I be considered as a courier.
According to the section 33B (2)(a) of the MDA, the definition for a courier is as follows:
i) To transport, send, or deliver a controlled drug
ii) to offer to transport, send, or deliver a controlled drug
iii) to do or offer to do any act preparatory to or for the purpose of his transporting, sending, or delivering a controlled drug, or
iv) to any combination of activities in sub-paragraphs i), ii), and iii).
The above definition clearly shows that Christeen’s involvement in the offence has exceeded that of a mere courier. Therefore, she does not fall within the courier exception in S33B(2)(a) of the MDA.
Letter 3 – 11 May 2022
In murder cases, whether the accused person had killed the victims by using a weapon like a sharp knife, copper, or machete… or strangling the victim by hand, towel, or rope, the accused person is consciously aware of what they’re doing. Because any reasonable person is aware that a sharp knife, copper, or machete is a dangerous weapon and in mishandling them, it can injure, harm, or hurt ourselves and others, or can even kill someone. And also, any reasonable person who is aware that strangling someone’s neck with hands, towel or ropes can suffocate the person and it can lead to death. And that is why most of the accused people never cut or injure themselves, instead they injure the victim. The same goes to the cases where the accused person strangles the victim with hands, towel, or ropes. When the accused person killed or murdered a victim, the life of the victim is gone. It will never come back again. Though it is one life is now dead, the life of the victim was still directly taken (killed) by the accused person. And it is a greater loss and sorrow for the victim’s family. But in many murder cases like this the Attorney General (AG) had dropped the charges from capital to non-capital, and had a lighter sentence than the death penalty. This is because the court finds that the accused do not have the intention to kill. Though the accused person had injured the victim by stabbing them with a knife or strangling the victim, in many cases the court still finds them to not have an intention to kill. Though the accused person had taken or killed someone’s life directly, and had caused loss and pain for the victim’s family, the court still finds them to not have the intention to kill. It is good to show mercy for the accused person like this, in giving a second chance to live their lives.
However, in drug cases… the accused person’s intention is only to consume, sell, or deliver the drugs. They totally do not have any intention to kill, harm, damage, or destroy anyone’s lives. They had never forced anyone to consume, buy, or deliver the drugs, but it was done by the will of the drug addicts or the persons involved. Though the drugs, especially heroin, can bring harm to the people or society, that is not the intention of the drug offenders. Many Singaporean drug offenders are also consumers of heroin. In a way, they are also victims, because the drugs had spoiled their mind and body. They also fell into the trap, they cannot come out of the sickness of this addiction. It had affected and ruined their lives and futures, their family is broken, they are not enjoying what they’re doing. They’re the people living without hope or any bright future. They’re totally trapped in this darkness of evil. They become a slave to this demon. They consume and traffic heroin, but that doesn’t mean they are enjoying or living their lives happily and peacefully. They themself suffer from the addiction, and through them their family and children are also directly affected. Many of them decide to sell the drugs just because they’re addicted to consuming drugs. Heroin is very expensive, they cannot live without heroin, and they cannot afford to buy heroin everyday to relieve their urge for drugs, unless they also sell the drugs in order to cover the cost of their own consumption. How can we say that they bring harm to people or society when they themselves are victims? How can it be justified that the drug offenders that were sentenced with the death penalty bring harm and destroy others lives, and is it fair right, or just or kill them, when they don’t have any intention to kill anyone? Yes, drug offenders are all aware that heroin is bad, not good for health, and it can ruin someone’s life, but they themselves are stuck and trapped with this demon. They are only dealing with and interacting with people in the same situation and condition as them. What they did is still wrong! But they must be punished for what is their intention and actions, and not for the intentions they are not theirs, that they do not have!
They cannot be punished based on the amount of diamorphine in the drugs if it’s over 15 grams, and be imposed with the death penalty. No one consumes pure diamorphine… Heroin addicts consume heroin which is a mixture of other substances with a very small amount of diamorphine. Any heavy consumer of heroin can consume about 1 packet a day, which is about 8 grams. And the total amount of diamorphine in this 8 grams of heroin will be about 0.01 to 0.02 grams after analysis by the HSA. And if they consume 2 packets a day, which is 16 grams, then it will be about 0.01 to 1.0 grams of diamorphine. This shows that there is a very little amount of diamorphine that is consumed by the drug addicts each day. If someone is caught with 5 packets (or 5 pounds) of heroin, which is about 2.2kg in gross weight, it will only be 44.96 grams of diamorphine after analysis. For each packet or pound of heroin in 450 grams in gross weight, will only have about 8-9 grams of diamorphine. Even 1 packet of heroin will have less than 15 grams of diamorphine. Moreover, no one can consume 450 grams of heroin alone in one day. 1 packet or pound of heroin is equal to 60 bags in grams. So it’s really hard to say that someone can overdose for consuming 1 to 2 small packets of heroin a day. And killing them for the amount of diamorphine above 15 grams is injustice and overkill. This has to stop!
No one brings drugs into Singapore, standing and shouting in the streets, asking people to come and buy drugs from him. No, the drug addict or the offender found a drug dealer in Malaysia and ordered the drugs from them. And the drug dealer in Malaysia, using a drug courier as a scapegoat, who has nothing to do with the drugs, and sends the drugs to Singapore. If no one orders, then no one is going to send, and no one is going to deliver. These drug couriers from Malaysia come from very difficult backgrounds. All their education levels are very low, and many of them do not have drug knowledge at all. They dont even consume drugs, especially heroin. Many of them don’t even have any criminal records in Malaysia. Most of them are young and inexperienced people, who can easily be manipulated or cheated by drug dealers or drug syndicates, by blinding their eyes with money and fake assurances. In a way, they are victims of circumstance. They are not really aware of the harm and damage that these drugs can bring to people or society. They do not consume drugs, especially heroin. They do not really understand or know of the effect and impact that it can bring to people. They don’t have any intention to kill, harm, damage, or destroy anyone’s lives. They are totally innocent! Is it fair, right, or just to impose the death penalty to kill them? How do we justify this? All of the drug addicts don’t consume or smoke heroin to overdose, they want to get high on it. But once they become high, they don’t know what they are doing, and when they consume even more, only then they might overdose accidentally. It is not done intentionally or purposely! Very few drug addicts had intentionally overdosed for some reason, we cannot deny this. But overall, no one wants to die or take their life by consuming heroin. Why then, are the drug offenders not shown mercy and given a second chance to live their lives, when they don’t have any intention to destroy anyone’s life?
All the harm, damage, or even the loss of life by overdose by drug addicts (people!) were not directly caused by the drug offenders. It was caused indirectly with no intention for that at all. There’s no evidence to show or to prove which drug offender’s drugs caused someone to overdose. No one can prove whose lives were harmed or damaged directly from the drugs that were brought in by the specific drug offender. No one can prove or show that the victim’s family was suffering pain or loss directly from the drugs that the drug offender brought in. However, in murder cases, one life was lost or taken by the accused person directly, and the pain and suffering for the victim’s family was also caused directly by the accused person. But drug cases were treated more cruelly, inhumanely, and unfairly! There’s no direct damage or loss of life from them to the victim (the drug addicts or the family). How can the drug offenders be punished to hang, when the drug addicts could have overdosed on drugs unintentionally? How can the drug offenders bear the consequences for the intention that is not theirs? Is this justice? However, this is not the case in many Western countries, where murder cases are treated more seriously than drug cases and that is why a country like America (a world leader) imposes the death penalty only to murder cases and not for drugs. But it is totally opposite in Singapore. In Western countries the quantity of drugs will always be in a large quantity. They are the kingpins and they do not face the death penalty. However, in Singapore, many of the drug offenders in death row, the amount of drugs is only a few grams, and they cannot be categorised as a kingpin, and yet, they face the death penalty.
The system (law) was made by man. Whenever man is not perfect, how can we be sure the system is perfect? The judges can make mistakes, the Deputy Public Prosecutors and lawyers can also make mistakes. If the accused person does not admit to his offence, that is mainly to avoid or escape the consequences. So the judges, DPP, and the lawyers will also not admit their mistakes for the same reason. The accused person cannot easily get away with his offence because he does not know the law. However, those in authority and privilege, they know well about the law, and they can easily get away from their mistakes. And this is what is going to happen in OS188! But how can this be proven?
There is a small group of drug offenders who chose to sell drugs to earn easy money, to live luxurious lives and they don’t consume heroin. With this small group, we cannot see every drug offender as one and the same. Because many drug offenders do not even own a house or car, they stayed in a rental room and their bank balance is empty! ALl the monies found with them are mainly for the process of buying drugs, to consume and sell at the same time. When I was arrested, I had with me only $125, RM255, and 100 India rupees. My Malaysian bank balance is also empty, the same goes to many other Malaysian drug couriers. I didn’t even receive the $300 for my last delivery of drugs because I was already arrested and I cannot go back to Malaysia to collect the money. That’s how the drug syndicate works!
I may not win my case, I will not win the world, but I won many good people’s hearts. This is the true victory for me! Praise God! I am speechless and got emotional after reading your letter. I feel like I want to cry. All your words are really encouraging, uplifting, motivating, inspiring, and increasing a strong positive energy in me to continue fighting for what is right and justice. I’m thanking you from the bottom of my heart for everything you’ve done for me and my family. I’m also thanking God to keep me alive today, that I have this chance to write you back. How good it is to write a letter to someone wonderful like you. It is a blessing from God to know you, read from you, write to you, think about you, talk to you, and pray for you. I wish to be there to support you and help you. You’re such a wonderful person that I had known in my life so far. I have great respect for you too. You have given us the strength in knowing we are not alone. You and many others with you have care and concern for us. I’m so touched by your every word! You all see us as we really are with the heart of mercy, love, and compassion. God had sent you to help my family, you are an angel that God has sent to us. I appreciate and will be grateful to you until my very last breath for everything you have done for me and my family. You wrote so highly of me in your letter. I am nobody, and I’m nothing. I don’t deserve that. The love, mercy, and compassion that you had shown to us is indescribable. You are really great! You have such a beautiful, kind, and loving heart. I really don’t have words to express my gratitude to you. Your family will be really proud of you. God will bless you and your family through you. God will fill you more with his love, grace, peace, and strength. May He fill you with His power and wisdom and hold you in His mighty hand. May He give all your needs and protect you. May God’s spirit and his holy angels surround you always and lift you higher, give you victory and success in life. May He give you good health, answer all your prayers, and fulfil all your heart’s desires. May he send many good people to you in your life to help you. God loves you, He will always be with you. In a way, I’m thankful for this condition and situation because if I’m not here today, I may not know such a beautiful soul like you. I believe that everything happens for a good reason. We may not understand many things now but later we will. As you said, I also believe that all our efforts, struggles, sacrifices and prayers will never go in vain or waste! We have a powerful God with us, He will make everything possible for us according to His will. I am not ashamed of who I am now, and I will not bow my head to anyone except God. I will not be afraid, I will stand tall and keep my head up even though I have to die. People can only kill my body, after that they can do nothing more. Take care… I wish you all the best. Bye2. Peace!
All of us are normal and ordinary human beings. No one is perfect! Only a human being can help another human. But we humans always do the opposite, we forget the true purpose. I understand all of pain and anger, even i felt the same before. Now I try to forgive as much as I can. I’m asking for forgiveness from God, and I have to do the sme for others […]
“Do for others just what you want them to do for you. If you love only the people who love you, why should you receive a blessing? Even sinners love those who love them! And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you receive a blessing? Even sinners do that. Be merciful just as your father is merciful.” [Luke 6:30 – 33,36]
I am not a highly educated person, and many of us here are from the same background. If all of us got a proper education in life, I think many of us wouldn’t be here today for doing the most foolish things. Educated people always think differently from people like us. To me, prison is my university, especially death row. I am studying at a high level of education that cannot be learnt from other universities around the world. I am learning about life! When I look back on the path that I came from so far, I feel joy from the achievement, fulfilment, and enlightenment in my spiritual life. It’s really painful to see many people here lose hope, lose faith, and many of them are relying on psychiatric medications to forget all their pain, to relieve their stress and distress. Many of them are like lost sheep without a shepherd. It’s very painful to see that many of them don’t have any chance or hope in their cases. They don’t know how to read or write english. 10, 20, or 30 years of their lives were wasted in prison. They have come to prison many times since they’re so young til now. Some of them don’t have a family, are not married, have no children, are without property, they have nothing. ZERO! I can’t take it, to see their lives wasted this way. All of them are very friendly, though many of them are not highly educated, they are really talented. Some of them can sing well, draw well, and can make handicrafts by using only paper and glue. Life is so precious, beautiful, and wonderful. I can’t take it, to see these lives are going nowhere, stuck here in this darkness. It’s really hard and challenging to be hopeful, stay positive, or pray in this negative environment, full of negative vibrations. Without a God, I don’t think I can do what I’m doing now. I am a weak person on my own, I have a 1000 reasons to give up, lose hope, get angry and frustrated, to hate or scold, to fight or stop praying and many other things. But I need only one reason to continue doing what I’m doing now, that is love! That is God! Because God is love… And my loved ones! Without this, I will be a person without any hope and there won’t be any change in me. I will not have any goals, dreams, or expectations. I was already dead on the day of my arrest, that is still fresh in my mind. Though it’s been 11 years, I just feel like I got arrested yesterday. That’s because I still feel like I’m 26 years old. That was my age when I was arrested in 2011. I have not seen the world since then, and the world that I was in is not my real world now. The only thing that I have in my heart now is to live my life for others. I don’t want anything for myself. Nothing is permanent in this world and nothing can satisfy me. I don’t have any little desires to live my life for myself. God had given me everything in my life – my family, house, car, job, and money. I failed to use all that in a correct way and I did not live my life in a meaningful way. I failed to do my duty and I failed to take care of everything that God entrusted to me. And now, I’m giving back everything to God. I know that I’m not worthy and not deserving of anything. The life I have now is for God and His people. I will live for his purpose only. I should have died a long time ago, but I’m still alive today. And I should have died on 29 April, Friday, 2022, but I am still alive today. I don’t know what’s going to happen to my life or how long I’m going to be alive. I don’t have the answer now, only God knows. I don’t worry about what I don’t have in my hand now, I appreciate what I have now. I have God, if I have God that means I have everything and I don’t need anything else. God gave me every new day, new breath, and new strength. If he wants to stop it or take me back, let His will be done! I belong to God, he has all the right and power to do to me what he wants. God loves me, he knows what is best for me and he has a purpose for my life. If my time comes, I have to go. I can’t say No! Everybody has to die one day. So i don’t have to be afraid or shocked if it comes. Nothing is in my hand, if I am given a chance to live, I will live for God and if I have to die, then I will die for God. It will not be enough to express my gratitude to God in my whole life other than giving my whole self to God. I fully surrender my life to God, I just want to be an instrument in my God’s hand to use me for his purpose, plans, and will. It is because of God that I am the person who I am today. Without God, I am nothing and I can do nothing.
Lies cannot prevail the truth
Darkness cannot prevail the light
Evil cannot prevail over Good
The Devil cannot prevail over God.
Let us fear no evil
But put our trust in God…
Let us overcome the lies with truth
Overcome evil with the good
And overcome the Devil with God… Victory!
Letters from Kalwant
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
Hey my Baby Girl. How are you doing? I know that my sher potte are strong and fearless. I saw it just now and I’m so proud and happy to see you that way. Your smiling face are still in front of my face and memory and it will never be erased. That’s how my Baby Girl should be. I love you with my whole heart and soul Baby Girl. No one can or be able to take over that place from you ok. I’m sorry for everything Baby Girl and I never ever meant to hurt you. But now it is no more my choice my dear Baby Girl. You are my daughter, my baby, my darling and my sher potte and thank you for coming in to my life.
My Baby when ever you miss me, you feel sad, lonely or depressed then you read this letter and also pray like we did when your mama can’t control herself. I know that we have not create many good memories outside as you was just 12 when I left you, but we do have good memories and even the last few days of our last visit bay girl. You are so beautiful inside and out that Ash must be very lucky to have you. The way you laugh oh my god my Baby Girl, I can see it for my whole life if allowed. Keep on stay happy after this as you deserve it. You must move on and make me proud and I know you can do it. I have faith in you as you have proved before. Don’t let whatever happen to me effect your life and studies. I will be watching over you and even now pray to God to protect you forever.
My Baby: You are strong and you must be there for your mama because I’m very worried about her. Make sure you check on her everyday and if there is something wrong or she is a bit down, then do call Sukhjeet mama and tell him ok. I already state in you mama’s letter regards who get what which is mine. So please follow up and keep a copy of it.
Tell Sukhjeet thank you for everything abang. I love him very much and please take care of phen and my Baby girl also. You baby girl, if anything or any problem you can always call him and ask for help and take my word he will help you ok. Now, that mama will be there for you ok. Tell Savin I’m too tired to write another letter and I’m sorry about that.
To my beautiful Vinesha, I’m so so sorry darling for what happen. This mama have done nothing for you and 2 other kiddos and I hope your sis Kell or Sonia mama will do it on behalf of me. Sha, I love you a lot even though we just meet once and please be there for Baby Girl when ever she need you and have each others back ok. I’m happy to see you all and stay strong and think the pro & cons before do anything ok. I’m happy to see you all and spent my time with you & thank you for that. I hope you all will cherish all our memory together. Ok Baby Girl, make sure you pray and do what you want achieve and I know you can do it. Start to pray everyday and be happy for me where I am. I will be watching over you and till here only my letter for my Baby Girl and I love you so so much and I will always in your heart. Bye TC & stay strong.
Your lovely mama, Kalwant. S 7/7/22
Letters from Nagaenthran
I’m thanking you from the bottom of my heart for all your support, effort, and prayers. My heart was shattered to see you shed tears for a person unworthy and undeserving like me. What more can I expect? To me, this is proof that God really exists, he sent such good and kind people in my life to show mercy and have compassion. I have seen and heard so many things in my darkest day in prison on death row, but nothing changed for good. One failure after another, the little that I have is gone now. Day after day, month after month has gone and it became years. What else can I hope for? I’m totally exhausted! I am a person that’s been labeled as condemned and not in the least receiving any mercy or pardon. I don’t have any hate or complaints, I don’t blame or get angry with anyone. They’re my mistakes, though I do have many regrets, I accept everything as it comes. In fact, I’m very happy that at least God created me with one little heart in me, where I can say thanks from deep in my heart. I’m very grateful and appreciative for all your support. At least I can still express my gratitude to you through my words, writing, prayers, and tears as well. I’m wishing you happiness, joy, peace, and success in life. May the God that created you and me bless you and your family more and more, grant you all your prayers and heart’s desires. Peace be upon you.
In my many years of suffering on death row, I’ve learnt a very good lesson, the lessons that can’t be learnt anywhere else but what good can that lesson do to me or others now? What is going to change, though I am changed now? If there’s any goodwill to come to society or the public, out of my punishment (execution) after these 13 years of incarceration, then let it be done. But this 13 years of imprisonment is already punishment for me, did anything good happen so far to society or the public from my punishment? If it is only from my execution that it will deter crimes or make it effective, if it is really relevant to Singapore, then let it be done.
The drugs that I brought into Singapore, now I have come to understand that it can be fed to a certain number of drug addicts for a certain period of days in a week. This can really bring harm to the people of Singapore, especially for the young generation. This can damage or break many families and lives. Some may even overdose and lose their lives and their loved ones grieve for them. Some may even cause harm to others like robbery or snatch theft to get the money to buy and consume drugs. More seriously, some may even kill a person just because they’re high on drugs. I don’t have all this knowledge at the time of my offense, and none of this was my intention.
When I was caught, I was only 20. I myself do not take any drugs or was involved in any illicit drugs or drug activities. I’m not trying to justify my offense, I’m just stating the truth and it is not to create sympathy. I’m just sharing this on behalf of others who have gone through the same experience, suffering, or pain like me. Yes, it is very painful, I have to admit! I have reached the end of the tunnel, this is a very terrible journey which I had walked in darkness, there’s no other pain that can cause me to feel more pain than this.
I don’t see any light coming my way, at least a little light from a candle from someone. That’s ok! This is what I am today for what I did 13 years ago. I hope that my past, the darkness of my life, and it will not come along with me to my next life, if there is one.
There’s a punishment for anyone who breaks the law, let the law do its work. If i’m not deserving of a second chance or mercy, then let this second chance and mercy go to someone really more deserving than me, though many of them do not use that second chance correctly.
Life is beautiful and good. Let good people get that chance to live their lives and let the government give that opportunity to them by doing what the law does to protect the country.
People deserve a safer and drug free society for their families and children. Say no to drugs.
“Let my story reflect my sorry
There’s nothing left to worry…
If I’m going to be buried,
There are people to be carried.
There is left only one reason to be cheery,
That I have not married.”
Letters from Pannir
To my dearest sister,
Hi angel,
I wanted to dedicate this simple poem for you.. to express my love n’ appreciation.. I wanted you to know that you have been n’ still being my pillar in so many way, more than you ever know n’ I am always proud of you.. I love you n’ miss you.. n’ I wanted wish you “Happy birthday, may god bless you with good health n’ bright mind, watch over you n’ make all your plan success, bless your heart desire.. may his light in you shines other lives too.. n’ keep can n’ be the best you can be”…
“In the Darkness of Night”…
In the darkness if night,
I am bleedin’ by stabs of silences,
It’s been my loyal companion,
Yet still I stand with resilience,
For me, being alone,
Doesn’t means living alone,
I hears whispers in the wind,
Tell me to keep cope,
Voices in my mind,
Tell me to keep hope,
Learn to be strong…
Through all these storms…
In the darkness of night,
Is it possible for the fallens,
To seeks the light?
Or are they doomed,
To just sit tight,
To give up without a fight?
I learned, without the dark night,
The moon can’t shine bright,
Without the dark night,
I can’t appreciate the beams of the starlight…, by Pannir, 31 July 2020.
Even now, they’re out of my sight,
I’ll be there when the time is right.
Write: “Evwn when my life is broken piles of shattered glass in the dark, yet, still… I’ll used my mind n’ had to holds the light for others to make their mark”.. It’s simple one… Angel, send my love for everyone there.. the lion of Judah always in my prayers.. I am humbled n’ touched by their love n’ care.. Remembered always.. How’s Amma n’ Appa? Lucas n’ Hannah? I never heard her voice till now.. No needs to bring here I’ll happy if I can talk to her on phone.. I heard people who born on her birthday is a talented person.. hehe.. I am waiting to see you all.. be safe… take care each other.. God is with us.. Love you
Pannir,
Aug 2020
Silent Tears…
A violent floods
Of silent tears
Torrent of bloods
Soul’s engulfs fear
The aftermath of warfare
All long year’s
Elevated wall’s for welfare
Can’t we hear?
Dear lives slip’s away
Evaporated in the air
Do we care
To be fair?
Plagues of poverty
Lay’s million’s in cemetery
Health care funds
Lost in warfare guns?
Issue of bread n’ butter
Aren’t getting any better
Access to clean water
Unanswered even year’s later?
Struggle’s of poor parents
Surviving on odd job n’ errand
To meet the end n’ pay rent
In the wakes of their absent
Love between child n’ them
Seemed distant..
Anger’s of hunger
In the eye’s of younger’s
How much longer
Must they remain stronger?
For a bowl of rice
Poor’s has to pawn their life
Burdened by stash of cash
Some molds toilet bowl’s
Out of gold?
Bullet’s hole’s
Decorated the school’s walls’s
Classe’s..
Loaded with shattered glasses..
Brick’s n’ cement block’s?
Insteads of books?
Hand tattooed..
Of bruises n’ pain’s
Instead of brushes n’ pen’s?
Child labours n’ serfdom
Insteads of childcare n’ freedom?
Boiled under heat n’ toils..
Not just their present
Rather their future too..
Exploitations..
Instead of education?
Predator’s instead of tutor’s?
Together we can dries,
Those eye’s,
By makes a choice,
To be the voice,
That’s wipes,
The silent tears..
Why looking so far?
There’s always someone near..
By, Pannir..
Hi my dear thangachi.. hehe.. hope you good there Angel.. I’m fine here, Anna will write to you soon.. I know you are a bit busy.. lot of things needs to share with you.. the phone call’s is so short that I can’t talk to everyone.. Anna want to dedicate this poem 2 you for all your hard work to help other’s.. Jesus love you.. TC.
13 Feb 2021
Pannir
Last Walk
All my brother’s
Those who has fallen asleep,
May all of you rest in peace,
There’s heaven for us,
Where we will meet,
Until then,
The war isn’t end…
Life lesson’s learned,
For what we must live for,
Life alwayz worth fight for,
Lord, we rather die trying,
Than just wait for dying,
Life is tough,
The going get rough,
Yet those who still trying,
Let’s keep our head up,
Do our best and never give up…
Here comes the real talk,
Of the journey we walk,
Life’s full of havoc,
Every dayz is a battle,
Have to moves without rattle,
Can’t find peace here,
In liquor bottle’s,
Struggles and troublez
Remain unsettle…
To choose who is next?…,
Justify it’s all accord to text,
Even in truth they know,
What they sayz, was just pre-text,
Pretend nothing happened out of context,
What has done is compulsory to protect,
And it’s crime if I try to protest,
The power is to do
What is right,
Yet they choose to
Violate human right,
End life to end crime,
Is out of time,
Isn’t these wicked act,
Was around even before,
Jesus times?,
Yet what it does,
To make our world a better place?
The world are war zone
Killing’s happened as if we are animals in
amazon
Execution and termination of life,
Is not a solution,
Yet it still in constitution,
Misguided delusion,
That supported violence,
And still, we choose to remain silent?
Like games of dicez,
Life’s rolled disapearz,
Before our eyez,
Get shackled and chained,
They condemned us to death row,
Told we were dead az scarecrow,
Dark alley full of sorrow,
Life and death are just narrow,
Each awaken moment,
Pierce az a poison arrow,
Isolation and silence becomes our shadow,
Oh lord, the only path ahead are just gallows
Or, is there any hope for tomorrow…?
Cold-blooded murder,
Soul’z are taken from my brother’s,
Azzassination coming under order’z,
Isn’t all live’s are equelz,
Or our’z not at all matter?
Morally undermined,
Yet by law, they say, it’s doesn’t mind,
Az I watch my brother’s
Hit the last walk,
Hand cuffed at their back,
Strap the weight on their leg,
Without mercy,
Got hanged by their neck, death squadz
Come back
Brutal deprivation of freedom,
Oppression on expression,
Dream, hope and ambitionz,
Denied right to life,
And our voice for life,
For them,
And just noise and lie?
Lord when will changes comes
Or do we have to wait till Kingdom come?
Death Row Literature
A tragic vision of purposeful blindness.
The premonition of death descending,
Like the dark shadow of night upon the day.
Concrete walls of Hades built by blood.
Decorated with crawled hand prints,
Like a symbol of desperate pleas…
From an extended hand of a disabled mind.
An exhausted soul of a mother,
Seeking refuge for her son,
Which has been refused.
There is a trace of urgency on the shades,
As if there is a hidden message engraved,
On the wrinkles of those haunted palms.
As though it seeks the voice of a messenger,
To speak this death row literature,
As the last hope for the future,
As its last sign before it’s lost,
In its last sleep…
Handcuffs, shackles, chains, black veils,
Trapdoors, lethal chambers, executioners,
Devotedly sing a murderous chorus,
As if cheering for evil to take its form.
Enticing death to breaths,
Through the sorrow of loved ones.
To roam and dwell,
At the end of a venomous needle,
At the circle of a knotted cord,
At the edge of a sharpened sword.
It resides inside the bullet’s shell,
It sits nonchalantly as if an invisible ruler,
At the throne of an electric chair,
To disembowel and devour,
The scorched flesh and soul of a “thing”,
That just a second ago was called a “human being”.
Every life is sacred,
The Death penalty isn’t a silver bullet,
Let’s not make it a secret.
Advocate of death,
Greedy for more dead bodies,
Adamant to the core,
For more blood to pour,
Telling killing is the cure,
To keep the State pure.
They say “there is freedom of expression here”
We ask, “is there freedom “after” the expression?”
We can’t change the past,
But the present is the future’s past,
It’s about time for us to act fast.
Dedicated to Nagen.
27 April 2022
By Pannir Selvam
Letters from Syed
Hi again! Hope all is well. Send my regards to all and I think I forgot this in my previous letter (7/9/22), so give Yusuf 2 hugs from Uncle Syed. Just an update on the “The Smile”, After Listening to most of the tracks (for 4 times) and reading the review that I received after my previous letter, I have to take back what I said. The band was doing other genre of music like post-punk and 60s-70s Electronic music with their own spin, so, yup! I geddit… (They’re good) I read the Ted Hughe’s poem and I like it, Sis. This is the last batch of stuff I’d like to get. I think $$ will be given in December again, so please use what I’ve given you and thanks again for doing this. I would like ‘Massive Attack’s’ latest album to date as well as latest from “Portishead” <- (Band’s name), Sharmila, we’ve listened to “Portishead” B4 and I was thinking of them, is “Dummy” their latest? Coincidentally, I saw this in the CD Purchase List that Sis sent. So Sharmila, if you have the time, and if these bands latest albums are on streaming/Spotify or other apps, let me know what you think, Sis too, if you like genre like this. Anyway, Sis you can purchase these 2 CDs as soon as you can. I would also like a copy of Ted Hughes poetry, preferably with “The Smile” poem is there a “Crow” collection included in the same book by him as well? I’ve read the interpretations, as well as, the biblical references, but to me, “The Smile” is Death. Here’s why: – (some verses were skipped)
| Verse 1 | |
| Began under the groan of the oldest forest It ran through the clouds, a third light | “When” it started: Gen 3:23, Adam’s banishment from Eden Gen 1:16, 1st Light – Daylight; 2nd Light – Starlight (3rd Light) |
| Verse III | |
| But people were prepared They met it With visor smiles that stole a boneAnd smiles that went off with a mouthful of blood And smiles that left poison in a numb place or doubled up Covering a getaway | Knowledge that life is ephemeral It = The smile/smiles = Death Dissumulation; Many faces of Death Fata Ailment i.e. Leukaemia Violence Virus, pestilence/Deadly Epidemic, An escalation of There’s no escaping fate |
| Verse IV | |
| But the smile was too vast, it outranked allIt was too tiny it slipped between the atoms So that the steel screeched open Like a gutted rabbit, the skin was nothing Then the pavement, and the air, and the lightConfined all the jumping bloodNo better than a paper bag People were running with bandages | Toto Genere = Death is All encompassing Inorganic and organic matter reduced to a permeable membrane -/Diaphragm – Like “Partition” As above, Descriptively morbid, visualize paper bag accelerated in blood |
| Verse | |
| And there was the unlucky person’s eye pinned under its brow Widening for the darkness behind it And at that very moment the smile arrived And the crowd, shoving to get a glimpse of a man’s soul Stripped to its last shame, met this smile That rose through his torn roots Touching his lips, altering his eyes | Eye (In singular), evil eye? Any misfortune we suffer, we blame on another’s doing, reflection may reveal otherwise. Receiver of evil eye? Bearing witness to a/the “crucifixion’; Men’s fixation on morbidity goes back to gladiatorial times (and feeding of the lions) Uprooted like Vegetative Matter, forcibly taken The smile will silence, Oupnek’hat Vol 1: His visual faculty becomes one with the sun (Vedas) |
Dear Ladies,
Thanks for getting the schop book for me. I had the same one in 2012/13 that Sharm had gotten me (same translator, different publisher). The good news is that its pagination is found (and accurate too) in one of my books about Schop. (Not by him) and that book cross references to the total of 8 books that I have (by Schop). In plain-speak, this is heaven to a nerd like me :). I had asked for the same title by another translator (E.F.J. Payne) but that was not available. Razak also tried but there wasn’t a “hardcopy” available. The one main gripe unfortunately is that the current translator (Mms. Karl Hillebrand) did not translate the vast majority of latin (and some German + French) phrases and references to English. The copy I had in 2012/13 was the same too. 2 chapters in particular, ”Linguistic” and “Animal Magnetism and Magic” from “On the Will in Nature” -> (book title). These 2 chapters, around 30 pages total, is so heavy in Latin that I’m completely lost. Can you ladies put your heads together and offer a solution? If you can access a “soft copy” version (AKA e-book vers.) and see if the other chapters I mentioned above have a complete English translation (try E.F.J. Payne) that would be awesome. The thing about such books, especially when it’s written on and before the 19th century (before 1900), would assume the reader to be learned in Greek, Latin, French + German too. Such was education during those times. Latin was used in sciences, that’s why all flora and fauna have Latin names (even to this day).
I got excited and forgot to ask how you guys are doing. So how’s things? Send my regards to all at home. Tell Papa to take care of his leg. Or maybe tell Yusuf to stop kicking Papa… heh heh ☺. Give Yusuf a hug and tell him I’m looking forward to his “gun” sounds. A new Korean drama “The Red Sleeve”, a period setting is being shown and I just caught the 1st episode last night. I’m waiting for an upcoming zombie cop/fantasy/comedy Korean drama to start. I think the actor’s name is Choi Jin Hyuk, who acted in a time travel/serial killer/detective series “Tunnel” which was quite good. I’m still watching “Mouse”, a detective thriller with a good cast (Lee Seung Gi). I saw snippets of BlackPink’s “Pink Venom” on T.V. and heard they’re coming to Singapore next year. “Jojo Rabbit” is gonna be shown on TV today. Scarlett Johanssen (name spellcheck) and Taika Waititi (actor/director) are acting. I saw this already, very funny, but sad too, the story is set in Germany during WW2 when Hitler was in power and revolves around a young boy who has an imaginary friend in the image of Hitler (Taika’s role). Taika Waititi is a Kiwi and is rumoured to be married to Rita Ora. He also directed the previous “Thor” and the latest “Thor” too. Very funny guy. Well, I’ll end my card now. Take care and don’t forget to send me the meaning of the acronym “S.M.I.L.E”. Thanks! Much love + see you guys soon
“For want of a nail, a horseshoe was lost.
For want of a horseshoe, a steed was lost.
For want of a steed, a message was undelivered.
For want of a message, the war was lost.”
A Japanese saying
P.P.S.: I heard wrongly the other day, Sharm, the $$ would be in your acct within this week (25 Aug 2022).
P.S.: I am the eye in the sky…(damn I forgot the rest ☺)
Dear Ladies,
How are all of you doing? Send my regards to all at home. I was going through some of my “to do” list, it’s more of a “to buy” list ☺, so brace yourselves for info overload…the origins of the book: it is an ancient Sanskrit work, a part of the “Vedas” known as “Lipanishads” or “Oupnekhat” or “Oupenk’hat”. The “Vedas” consists of 4 chief collections namely: Rig-veda, Yatur-veda, Sama-veda and Athar-veda. The philosophical component of the “Vedas” is mainly contained in the concluding sections known as the “Lipanishads”. I found out the best and complete translation was done by Sultan Mohammed Dara Shikoh (or Darashakoh? Spell-check) of India. He had access to complete manuscripts (in Sanskrit) that other English or European scholars did not have. So from Sanskrit, the Sultan translated the “Lipanishads” to Persian. From this Persian translation, a person by the name of Anquetil Duperron translated this work to Latin and was widely praised in the European intellectual circles, and highly recommended even by Schopenhauer, for being a very true and accurate translation and faithful to the deep message of the Lipanishads. Anquetil Duperron titled it as “Oupnek’hat” (or “Oupnekhat”). I would really, really, like the English version of Anquetil Duperron’s (Latin translation) “Oupnek’hat” (or “Oupenkhat” or “Lipanishads”). His (Duperron’s) version consists of 2 volumes. I do not know who did the English version of Duperron’s translation, so I’ll need you ladies to help do some investigation online. Translators play a very, very, important role as they need to translate the “soul”/“mood” of the original writer, not just a word for word rendering which would lead the work to be “open to interpretation”, as you may already know, words get lost in translation. Btw “Lipanishads” means “confidential secret meeting”. Please try to get the soft-cover version. Thanks! (use my $$) I’ve just come across a different spelling of the Latin translator: Anquetil Du Perron. So ladies, really sorry to trouble you, your “Google” + investigative skills is required to get this work (2 volumes?). There’s this K-drama comedy “One, the Woman” about a Korean female prosecutor who can fight really well (Lee Ha Nee) who loses her memory and gets mistaken as a daughter-in-law of a CEO while the real daughter-in-law coincidentally went missing at the same time. It’s hilarious cos she was on the take, taking bribes and occasional flashbacks showed 2 ex-convicts “encouraging” her to study hard to pass the notoriously difficult civil exams in South Korea. Even with her amnesia she retained “muscle memory” cos she could fight as well as recall legal procedures and “law-speak”. You ladies will enjoy this, quite funny.
Okay ladies, penning off, send my regards to all. For Yusuf, a hug and a message: study hard + stay cute ☺! See y’all soon. Peace!
“Si vis pacem, para bellum”
If you want peace, prepare for war
Transformative Justice Collective 